This weekend has helped me identify the most likely scenarios for my own demise:
- Buried under mismatched wineglasses.
- Suffocated by a dishtowel avalanche.
- Arm spontaneously separates after 18 continuous hours of drilling ceramic tile.
- Food poisoning from leftovers stored in plastic food containers that didn’t precisely match the companion lids.
- Trapped under Ikea display unit after lying down on floor and reaching towards wall to see if any of the out-of-stock kitchen hooks had fallen behind (they had! five packs!)
- Head explodes from toddler screaming.
- Blood poisoning from drinking through our lifetime supply of plastic cups.
- Sliced by sheet-metal cutter I stretched from the Home Depot that had the sheet metal in stock, to the one that would actually cut it.
- Red blood cells become magnetized from excessive exposure to magnetic spice tins.
- Starved to death after refrigerator and pantry are blocked by accumulated housewares.
But yes, our kitchen does look lovely.