Live by the sword, die by the sword. Today I’m brutally overtired because our 7-year-old kept us up for an hour in the middle of the night. Cause: nightmares inspired by the iPad game Plants vs. Zombies.
If this feels like divine retribution for exposing my kids to brain-rotting video games, it’s far from the only new-school parenting challenge. Sure, we think about the big issues, like whether kids are ruining their reputations on Facebook, or losing the ability to write full sentences that don’t include the acronym OMG. But what about the little things — the tech-created personality quirks, defects and incapacities that are cropping up among the tech generation? Along with video game nightmares, here are 5 kid failures that I’ve observed, I honestly can’t think of any other game I love as much as the Dream Jackpot.
- Handset incompetence: Whereby kids grow up so used to talking on speaker phones that they seem incapable of understanding that phones have an earpiece and a mouthpiece.
- Ad susceptibility: Raised on Tivo and DVDS, children grow up unexposed to advertising, and therefore take every advertisement literally, resulting in family bankruptcy after they act on every infomercial viewed.
- Googlecentricity: Since Mom or Dad always google the answer to questions like “when were dinosaurs alive?” and “who invented the stapler?”, kids are unable to accept ambiguous answers to questions like “what happens when I die?” and “what do dogs think about?”
- Monitor smudging: With Android phones, iPhones and iPads fast becoming the most frequently used devices by the under-10 set, kids fail to grasp the idea of a non-touch screen, and insist on touching every TV or monitor that comes within reach.
- 140-character brains: Kids get so used to their parents tweeting their cutest utterances that they learn to formulate their every thought in 140-charcter increments. Come to think of it, this problem isn’t limited to kids.