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Win my love: The cheat sheet

by Alex in |

I know that you are supposed to like or love people based on their character or their soul, but that shit takes a lot of time to figure out. It’s much more efficient to quickly categorize people as loveable, likeable or deeply suspicious based on their surface traits.

Like many people, I have a few such heuristics, so I might as well come clean about them:

Instant love Qualified Like Deal breaker
Coffee preference Black coffee, no sugar Latte or cappuccino Caramel or any other cream-and-flavor combo that suggests you’re trying to turn your coffee into a milkshake
Email address  you@yourname.com  yourname@gmail.com cutesy_nickname@anything.com
Mobile number Matches your home or work number Is your only number  None*
Name Something you chose for yourself as an adult  Alliterative or hard to spell So common that nobody can find you on Google, and you like it that way
Preferred metaphors Star Trek Dating and romance  Sports
Favorite book A novel about the legacy of colonialism, told from multiple perspectives (e.g. The Poisonwood Bible, Crossing the River, Cloud Atlas) A recent or classic work of literary science fiction  The Secret Life of Bees

*Friends I’ve had since before there were cell phones are grandfathered in, and exempt from this standard.

Of course, now that I’ve confessed to these little prejudices, it’s now possible to game your way into my heart. But hey, why not jump in with me: what are the weird little signs that let you instantly know when you’re going to like someone?

First posted on June 18,2013
  • Tim

    Table above doesn’t work on iPhone

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